Season six rolls on as all of the shit continues to hit all of the fans.

Hungry Like the Wolf

Sansa and Jon, now fully committed to taking back the North, need to figure out how the hell to actually do that. Ramsay Bolton has the strongest fortress and the biggest army in that neck of the woods. Overcoming that is no easy task, even with a giant ginger, giant woman, and an actual giant.

In Sansa’s time of need, who else pops his snakey little head out of the ground but Littlefinger. OF COURSE Littlefinger would meet Sansa in a brothel town. SHIT DON’T CHANGE. That weasel must have Sansa danger sense or something. It’s not like she’s leaving hologram messages for him, saying, “Help me Petyr Wan Baelobi, you’re my only hope!” She doesn’t want any part of the man that sold her to the biggest piece of shit in Westeros. Yet, she can’t help but take his key information about her Uncle Brynden reforming his army down in the Riverlands.

No matter what, that worm finds a way. Littlefinger has that gift of gab. For the few remaining Starks, the hope that another member of their family is still living is too good to pass up. Just look at Jon, he got stabbed up based on the hope that his Uncle Benjen was back at Castle Black.

What do we always say is most important, Sansa? Lemon cakes. But then family. Sansa needs her family, she needs her home. She’s even embraced her bastard brother, Jon. She must really be desperate. Seriously, though, it’s nice to have Jon and Sansa united under the banner of the Direwolf.

Then Sansa has to go and screw it all up by lying to Jon about where she heard the news that the Blackfish has gotten the band back together. Come on, Sansa! You can’t be lying to Jon about sources like that! You’re not ESPN! Yeah, she’s sending Brienne down to Riverrun on the sly to check things out. That’s all well and good, but is this really the best time to be sending one of your best fighters away on a fact-finding mission? Send Pod! That guy needs something to do.

A Night at the Theatre

Arya is back in the good graces of the Faceless Men, but she still has to prove herself. In this case, prove herself means poison an actress. Simple enough, eh?

However, Arya can’t help but question why they’re murdering a person. Kids, you know? Maybe it was the effect of seeing her father’s beheading again, albeit in comedic form. Surely, her father would not approve of his younger daughter killing an innocent woman because someone paid the right price. If only Arya knew about the family reunion going on overseas, maybe she would think she has another option.

I wanna rule the Iron Islands but I need a Kingsmoot

Yara wants to be the first queen of those lousy Iron Islands. Change isn’t easy. It might have helped if she had chosen a better running mate. While Theon means well, his support just doesn’t have the same oomph it might have had if he had left the North in one, er, piece.

Still, Yara was on a bit of a role when Uncle Euron comes rolling up, immediately striking low blows by bringing up Theon’s missing member. Euron does not give a damn. When confronted with the accusation that he killed his brother, Balon, Euron immediately fesses up. You have to admire his bravado. 

Euron’s plan to make the Iron Islands great again (I think I’m the 451st person to make that joke) goes over like gangbusters with the Ironborn. He’s got a foolproof plan: sail west, offer the fleet to Daenerys, marry Dany, profit. What a romantic.

Now Euron rules the krakenfolk and his niece and nephew are on the run. Theon doesn’t have a home. It’s obviously time for him to head back to Winterfell, like everyone else. Nah, they’re in ships or some junk.

Hold the Door

Who knew Game of Thrones could make you cry? It’s made me angry, elated, thrilled, infuriated, and might have even made me say aw once or twice. It’s never made me tear up. Until now.

Bran’s training with the Three-Eyed Raven has been an enlightening look at the past, but it certainly didn’t seem like it was going anywhere. FALSE. Of course Bran, as a young crippled man, wants to push the limits on his supernatural powers. How bad could it be? His father only kinda heard him in the past. What could go wrong? Welllll, Bran found out when he looked upon the Night King.

Bran’s classic Stark fuck up lead the Night’s King and his army of the dead right to the Three-Eyed Raven’s door cave opening. Now, everyone’s dead. The old Raven dude himself: DEAD. Those weird forest people: DEAD. Summer: DEAD. And saddest of all, Hodor: DEAD.

The story of how Wylis became Hodor didn’t initially seem that interesting. I assumed he got kicked by a horse or something. It seemed crazy that Bran would linger in the past just to watch his father leave Winterfell while an entire army of ice zombies honed in on him. When it all came together, the tears started building up. Wait, hold the door…hodor…he’s been waiting his entire life to do this one task, oh my god noooooooooooo.

And now it’s just Bran and Meera, alone beyond the wall. That is until BENJEN STARK shows up to rescue them. Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm.

Next Episode Predictions

I don’t know, I’m still too devastated thinking about Hodor to think straight.

Book Stuff

• I guess Bran didn’t eat any Jojen Paste in this iteration. No, Jojen paste has not been confirmed to the best of my knowledge. Settle down.
• I wonder if we’ll get to see the Blackfish deal with Jaime at Riverrun. It doesn’t seem like the Kingslayer is leaving King’s Landing this season.
• Looks like we can officially say that Victarion and Euron have been folded into one. I’m fine with this, there’s a lot of story to tell with only a little time.
• There’s a theory out there that Ser Jorah may cure his greyscale like Victarion’s flaming arm. While that would be badass, this is Ser Jorah we’re talking about. We all know he’s taking an arrow for his KHALEESI in the end.