After last week’s Battle of the Bastards, a number of people wondered how the Game of Thrones season 6 finale could possibly follow that up. Well, it may have actually topped it.
Shame 3: The Revenge
Many people have had issues with the Faith vs. Crown storyline in King’s Landing throughout the season. Cersei Lannister has struggled to gain a foothold against the High Sparrow and his minions. She had been counting on the Mountain to bail her out in a good old fashioned trial by combat, but then poor, soft Tommen had to go and outlaw that. What other choice did Cersei have? She had to take them all down. The Faith, Margaery, it all had to go. What better way than to take a page out of the Mad King’s old playbook?
I bet you never thought you would ever see a time bomb on Game of Thrones, yet here we are! Cersei’s strike against all of her foes was masterfully executed, from the amazing score to the slow reveal of just how screwed everyone gathered in the Sept was. It was an ambitious sequence that the production team absolutely nailed. Cersei’s vengeance echoes Walter White’s prison strike from season 5 of Breaking Bad. Surely, she is now of the most feared figures in Westeros.
The price of her ultimate victory was high, however. The prophecy she has been dreading came true as Tommen took his own life upon seeing the Sept go up in green flames. Honestly, Margaery is a Westeros 10, he wasn’t gonna do better. A life of Motherboy conventions is not a life worth living. Tommen’s gold shroud seems to be the tipping point into making Cersei a full-blown villain. She was 95% of the way there, but this is really the icing on the cake (Devil’s Food, obvs).
Her reign may be a short one, but Cersei’s rise to the top was unforgettable. She completely outplayed Margaery in the game of thrones. She bested her arch enemy, Septa Unella, and not only gave her a wine waterboarding, but also left her to be The Mountain’s plaything. No, you do not want to know what that means. Please, for the love of the gods, don’t think about it.
Thus, we bid adieu to most of the cast of King’s Landing.
So long, Margaery. You played the game well, but not well enough.
So long, Tommen. I hope you didn’t request to be buried with Ser Pounce.
So long, High Sparrow. You were old and kind of a jerk.
So long, Lancel. Your hair in seasons 1 and 2 is still hilarious to think about.
So long, Ser Loras. I really liked that sword swallower joke your grandmom made about you that one time. I wish we had gotten to see you be a badass a couple more times.
So long, Grand Maester Pycelle. I really loved it when Tyrion messed with you back in season 2.
So long, Mace Tyrell. You were hilariously inept.
So long, Uncle Kevan. You were…there.
Oh Frey Pie My Position is Tragic
Walder Frey has lived a good, long, wicked life. He’s a dick who has scraped by living the cockroach life. He cackles and drinks and marries all day long. He’s had a reckoning coming his way, just like Ramsay did.
Many people predicted that the preview scenes of the Freys and Lannisters celebrating indicated a second Red Wedding. A Revenge Wedding of sorts. Certainly, with the Brotherhood Without Banners operating out in the open again along with the renewed Starks, it seemed like a possibility. What we got instead was so much better. Arya Stark announced her return to Westeros in the best way possible, with pie!
Some complained that Arya technically failed assassin academy, so how could she kill three Freys on the sly like she did? Of course she failed at killing innocent strangers, that’s not her calling. She is serving the Many-Faced God on her terms. Her heart isn’t in killing just anyone, it’s in killing those who have taken her loved ones from her. Vengeance, thy name is Arya.
In feeding Walder Frey his own sons and slitting the ancient man’s throat, Arya paid her own price to the Faceless Men: her soul. She revels in the power of her skill. It’s both immensely satisfying and tragic. Yes, we all want to see Walder Frey die a horrific death for what he did to Robb and Catelyn. Arya, however, is still a little girl who should have a long life ahead of her. The path she’s on will leave her as a shell of a person, much like the scarred man she left for dead a couple of years ago. Just look at how satisfied she looks!
Arya has a big decision ahead of her. She now has a home to return to with family that she loves. That’s an option that she lacked when she took off for Braavos. That said, one of the few remaining people on her hit list just sat down in the Iron Throne down south. That’s a mighty big target, and certainly someone that needs a comeuppance. She could always just lead the Brotherhood Without Banners and become a metaphorical Lady Stoneheart.
Oldtown Style
Sam got to Oldtown, where he can finally attend wizard maester school. Good for you, buddy.
Pro: Yay, book learning.
Con: No girls allowed. Sorry, Gilly.
Pro: Big ass library. Like, really frickin’ huge.
Con: It will probably be a little while before he can deliver that Valyrian steel sword to the men in the North, who really, really need it.
I will say, Sam provided a nice moment of comic relief in an episode filled with shocks and revelations. Not totally terrible. And no sign of any pink masts.
King in the North II: Snowletric Boogaloo
Winterfell is finally back under Stark control after a couple of years flaying men (mostly Theon). Rickon would have been the easy selection for the new lord of Winterfell, and while that might have been mildly interesting, it doesn’t place a firm wedge between Jon and Sansa. Jon doesn’t really seem to want any part of ruling Winterfell. That’s too bad, because all the Northerners see is Ned Stark’s son, who took his home back by brave, dumb force. The North loves dumb bravery. They eat that shit for breakfast, lunch, dinner, and dessert. Even a little bit more for second breakfast, and supper.
Thus, we have a new King in the North, thanks to the most badass little girl to ever walk the Earth, Lyanna Mormont. She basically stood up and called out every remaining northern house. Hey, House Manderley, here’s a big middle finger for you. House Glover? You suck. Big time. Here’s another one for you. Fuuuuuuck all y’all! Lyanna Mormont for president of everything.
Jon’s been reluctantly elected top Northerner, which sadly may put him at odds with Sansa. Sansa might tell sleazy Littlefinger that she doesn’t want a piece of the pie, but she’s fought so hard to get to this point. It was her reaching out to the slimiest man in the seven kingdoms that assured victory for the Starks in the Battle of the Bastards. All of the other ladies on the show are finally tasting power, why not Sansa?
She’s come to grow fond of her half-brother. It would be a damn shame to see her take after her mother that she’s oh so much like in hating on sullen Jonny Snow. Look, Sansa, he’s not even really Ned Stark’s son! Didn’t you see that flashback with the baby? Hit your DVR and you’ll see it. I mean, he’s really more of a contender for the Iron Throne itself, but that’s neither here nor there. Winterfell is all yours, girl. Well, until the Three-Eyed Branden comes back.
Secret Targaryen Summed Up
Oh yeah, that’s right, Jon Snow was confirmed as a secret Targaryen! It’s really the only thing that makes sense. Do you really think honorable Ned Stark was out there making bastards? That guy wanted to give Stannis the Iron Throne and trusted Littlefinger. No way was that guy cheating on his arranged wife. Here is a brief explanation of the situation, for you non-book readers who may be confused:
- Rhaegar Targaryen (prince of Westeros, heir to the Iron Throne) runs off with Lyanna Stark (Ned’s sister, duh).
- Robert Baratheon loved Lyanna Stark and was super pissed.
- Big war. Oh noes.
- Rhaegar killed at the Battle of the Trident.
- Jaime Lannister kills King Aerys Targaryen, earning the title of Kingslayer
- Ned tracks his sister down to the Tower of Joy, which is guarded by 3 of the most dangerous members of the Kingsguard. Said 3 members probably should have been out fighting in that whole war thing. Hmmmmmm… 🤔
- Ned and Howland Reed survive the Tower of Joy. Ned goes and finds his sister with child at the top of said Tower.
- Lyanna asks Ned to keep Jon secret, keep Jon safe, since Robert would probably crush his baby skull with his war hammer. Robert had a bit of a temper. He really hated Rhaegar. Robert was also kind of a dick.
Got it? No? Well, you’re hopeless.
The Lonely Woman
Goodbye, Melisandre. The Red Priestess who’s only hot when she wear her jewelry has been told to hit the bricks. Something about lighting a little girl on fire or something. Anyway, this is just another excuse to post “The Lonely Man” from The Incredible Hulk.
Westbound and Down
The dragons are finally coming! All these years later and it’s finally happening, you guys! Daenerys has finally left accursed Mereen and shit is going down. Season 6 ends with the glorious and ominous sight of the Targaryen fleet sailing to Westeros to reclaim the Iron Throne for that family of silver-haired maniacs.
They’ll even have some support! Dorne and Highgarden have put aside their centuries-old feud to really give it to what’s left of the Lannisters. It’s a momentous occasion, and not just because Lady Olenna has even less fucks to give due to the death of her entire family.
Varys must be very proud for putting it all together. What a crafty sonuvabitch. It was also quite the revelation to find out about Varys’ teleportation powers. Wow, just over an episode to make it to Dorne and less than half of an episode to make it back in time to be riding on Dany’s flagship? Impressive.
No, no, the episode very clearly played with time and I’m sure Dany didn’t want to leave until she had her southern staging ground all set up. You need to book your hotel room before you book your trip, you guys. It’s basic math.
How swell was that scene where Tyrion was named Hand of the Queen? The little guy finally got the respect he’s been yearning for after all these years. It was a sweet little scene that showed how far Tyrion has come since getting snubbed after saving King’s Landing from Stannis. This is all Tyrion has ever wanted. Dany knows what’s up, she doesn’t want to get crossbowed while taking a dump.
So bring on the dragons and all-out war for what is sure to be an absolutely insane final two seasons. Oh, Game of Thrones, you always end too soon.
Next Episode Predictions
- Daenerys meets Olenna Tyrell and immediately orders her executed. No one can keep up with that wit.
- Bran and Meera Reed freeze to death while trying to find a door to the other side of the Wall.
- Littlefinger stands outside of Sansa’s window with a music box, Say Anything style. It is largely ineffective.
- Littlefinger tries to win the North’s vote by promising to build a wall to keep the White Walkers out, and even have them build it. He is quickly reminded that this wall already exists and might have been built by them. He is booed out of the North.
- Cersei and Jaime gross everyone out and decide to make more kids. Blaaaaargh.
- Arya, having killed Walder Frey and discovered her love of baking pies, decides to retire and live a simple life baking with Hot Pie.
- Euron Greyjoy sails up to Dany’s ship, revs his boat engine (wait what), and says, “Sup?” He is incinerated in moments.
- Sam leaves Heartsbane sitting around on a bench. Another Maester takes it and archives it deep in Oldtown.
Book Stuff
- Grand Maester Pycelle was sort of handed the same fate that he was in the books, having been stabbed to death by the Little Birds. Kevan Lannister, sadly (?), just gets blown the hell up with the Faith and the Tyrells. He’s essentially murdered by Varys for being too competent in comparison to Cersei’s craziness. Varys didn’t arrange any of those murders in this version, yet he has to be very pleased with how it all played out. Now, Varys has the support of Highgarden and Dorne thanks to Cersei’s machinations. It’s worth wondering if he let Qyburn have the Little Birds to further Cersei’s crazy schemes. Certainly, Tommen, the Tyrells, and the Faith, would be a more formidable force than what’s left.
- Jaime returned from the Riverlands unscathed, unlike the books. In A Feast for Crows and A Dance With Dragons, Jaime is tricked into Lady Stoneheart’s trap by Brienne. It is worth noting that Jaime’s thoughts throughout those two books become increasingly negative against Cersei. Jaime’s reaction to Cersei seating herself on the Iron Throne isn’t the most encouraging. He seems a bit shocked and suspicious. Perhaps this is the wedge that has been driven between them. I could also be completely misreading the situation and Jaime will be more than glad to become her incestuous King.
- I was very much expecting Jon to be named a Stark by the Northern Houses. It may not be possible by show standards, however, it is very possible by book standards. Robb has an official document floating out there, somewhere, that names Jon a Stark. Yes, he’s not really a Stark by patriarchal last name standards, but that dude is as close to Ned Stark Jr. as they come.
- I was so happy to see Frey Pies happen! It wasn’t quite the same as Wyman Manderley feasting upon them, yet it was still pretty damn great.
- R + L = J is now confirmed. Does Benjen = Coldhands count as confirmed? Cersei’s prophecy came true. What’s the next big theory to be confirmed?
esteblog 