Winterfell Reunions

Last week saw Bran Stark return to the place where he used to climb walls until he eventually got tossed off of one by Jaime Lannister. Arya Stark’s journey home was thrown in doubt after her encounter with her former direwolf, Nymeria. Well, she went home.

After passing by Rosencrap and Guildenderp (nailed it), Arya finally gets to hug her siblings again. That’s assuming she hugged them in the first place, which I’m not entirely sure she did. You get the point. They’ve all changed. Sansa is a worldly politician. Bran is some all-seeing guy with powers or something. Arya is a master assassin with no face. Shit got weird.

Sansa seems particularly disturbed by these developments, as she’s stayed mostly the same. Her and Arya have more or less grown into what they wanted to be (although Sansa was basically tortured to get to be the Lady of Winterfell). Arya is terrifying. Her training session with Brienne seems to be showing off just what Arya can do now.

Arya is fascinated by Brienne, as she was the one person she’s met who has actually been able to best The Hound. Obviously, she wanted to kill The Hound herself, since he’s on The List. But, respect to anyone who can take on a man like that and live. Brienne’s got a similar history to Arya, in that she’s a warrior who’s only been told “no” her entire life due to her gender. Their fighting styles couldn’t be more different. Arya’s a lightweight who relies on her speed and guile. Brienne is a slugger, who relies on size and strength. Together, they’re a force of destruction. What I’m getting at is that Arya needs to ride on Brienne’s shoulders into battle to make the perfect fighter.

Think about it, though. Arya needs to take out Cersei. Cersei is protected by The Mountain. Arya can teach Brienne some Faceless Men mumbo jumbo. Brienne lacks the bravado that would prevent her from finishing off a foe when she’s got him on the ropes. You can see where this is going. Gimme gimme gimme Brienne vs. The Mountain.

What about Littlefinger? I can’t tell if this works for him or not. He wanted Sansa to himself for manipulation purposes. Having people around that she loves doesn’t work for him, especially when they have crazy raven powers or super assassin skills. He can make the strangeness of the Stark children work for his plans. “Look, SANSER, your brother and sister are big weirdos now! You know who’s the same as when you met him? Your old pal, Littlefinger!”

Petyr Baelish needs to cut the fancy crap, though. None of that is working on Bran and Arya.

“Hey, Bran, this is the knife that some guy that’s definitely not me used to try and kill you.”

“Great, thanks. Btw, I’ve seen everything you’ve done and don’t care. Call me when you’re the Night’s King.”

Yeah, he’s screwed.

Romancing the Dragonstone

Jon, leading a lovely lady to a dark room to show her some art is the oldest trick in the book. You’re gonna need to do better than that. Even Davos can see what Jon is up to. NO GAME BRO. You’re going to need to do better in your attempt to seduce your aunt. You still know nothing.

Daenerys is still insisting on Jon bending the knee before he hits the road back to his snowy home. It’s tough, Dany. The North doesn’t want to trust another ruler from down south. They don’t understand the problems that plague Winterfell, such as the need for more pelts, insufficient grain silos, and the dead rising to kill everyone.

Dany’s got her frustrations too. She’s getting her ass kicked in the war. Cersei has outsmarted her in every way. What does a Targaryen do when things aren’t going their way? They burn shit down.

Hey Tyrion, SHUT UP. Jon, what do you think? SHUT UP.  It’s dragon time.

The Great Loot Train Burninating

She don’t take no prisoners

She gonna give me the business

Got a dragon on my back

Hey it’s a dragon attack

I mean, it’s not 100% perfect, but Freddie Mercury was pretty damn close. Guys. GUYS. How freakin’ cool and horrifying was that loot train scene?

A full-on dragon assault in Westeros is something that people have been looking forward to since Daenerys first emerged from the flames at the end of season one. From the moment Jaime and Bronn first hear the hoofbeats of the Dothraki horde, you know things are about to escalate. It’s cowboys vs. Indians, if the Indians had a flying flame thrower on their side.

Game of Thrones yet again raised the bar for television spectacle with the loot train battle. It’s thrilling and gruesome. “The Spoils of War” effectively showed the main issue with Daenerys’ shock and awe campaign. Hey, what did the dragon queen do when she came to Westeros? Oh, she just burned everyone alive and left the ground black and charred. It’s not a good look. But, it does work. The Lannisters got their asses kicked, plain and simple.

They may have lost their top commander. Jaime Lannister attempted to take out Dany while she was taking a giant arrow out of her favorite dragon. You know what they always say about coming at the king. It’s not that the Kingslayer missed, so much as he was knocked out of the way before being reduced to a pile of ash.

The episode ends with Jaime sinking to his possible death. That sure is some heavy armor he’s got on. How much does that hand weigh? I would love if Jaime’s gold hand ultimately doomed him. That’s unlikely. They wouldn’t have gone to the trouble of having Bronn knock Jaime out of harm’s way if they were going to kill him by drowning. I’m betting we’ll see Jaime as a prisoner next week.

Next Episode Predictions

• Jaime and Tyrion play checkers in Jaime’s new home: a prison cell.
• Theon makes Jon dinner in an attempt to get back in Mr. Snow’s good graces. The dinner is a disaster, as Theon makes him burnt biscuits and undercooked calamari.
• Bran freaks Littlefinger out to the point where he won’t leave his room.
• Arya continues to pick on the two stupid guards that she owned last week. This week, she dumps water on them from a doorway and gives them hypothermia. Pranks!